2011-what I did & what I read

Every year I like to post a wrap up of my year- mostly so I can keep a record for myself.

2011 was a pretty good year overall I will have to say.

Theatre played a huge part in my year.

I was honored to play a role in two productions this year. The first was Bethel's production of All My Sons. That was possibly the best show I have been a part of. The cast, direction, set were all spot on. It was an intense story & I got to play a bitchy neighbor. :)

Probably the one of the biggest things for me this year was singing onstage in front of people I know. I have always loved acting in plays & one of my goals for a long time has been to be in a musical & be confident enough to do it with people I know in the audience. During the summer I was in a musical version of the Jungle Book. The show started with me onstage by myself.....singing in another language. I was so nervous, but I did it! I am so appreciative of the rest of the cast for being so supportive & encouraging, especially right before curtain that first night when I was about to have a heart attack.

One of my most memorable moments was the last night of dress rehearsal when I missed a cue & didn't come out during my song with Rene (the mother wolf). Thank goodness that was just dress rehearsal.

I also learned to knit this year. My friend Jessica showed me how to cast on (which I can never remember so I have to look up videos on it) & the knit stitch. I learned how to do other things by watching videos. My current project is a mini Ravenclaw house banner that I am double knitting (where the image shows on both sides, in contrasting colors). Knitting is something that I have been wanting to learn to do since I learned to crochet many years ago.

This year I was introduced to the roller derby. I love the Nashville Roller Girls & look forward to watching more games this coming season.

I saw only one show-Wicked- this year. I need to see more.

I made some new friends (mostly thanks to the theatre) who have become some of my favorite people on the planet.

I MET JOHN GREEN! One of the best things about the NCTE conference is being able to hob-nob with some of my favorite authors. John Green happens to be very close to the top of that list & I was excited to hear him speak & get my picture with him for my author wall at school.

Also at NCTE this year I rode in a limo to get real Chicago pizza. This was quite an exciting adventure for me & the other 11 teachers that crammed ourselves in that car.

I read 41 books this year, far less than my goal. I abandoned many books. I may pick some of them back up & give them another go, or I may not. We'll see. My to-read pile is quite huge at the moment.

Now, on to what I read in 2011. I have been in a reading funk the last year or so. I WANT to read, I just think I may be overwhelmed at all the good books to read I just don't know where to start ;)

January
Scott Pilgrim & the Infinite Sadness
Awakened ~ PC Cast & Kristin Cast

Old Habits: A Wicked Lovely Story ~ Melssa Marr

Zombiecorn~ John Green
Red Glove (Curse Workers #2)~ Holly Black
February
Bird in a Box ~ Andrea Davis Pinkney
Dead is Just a Rumor ~ Marlene Perez
Dead is Not an Option ~ Marlene Perez
Dead Tossed Waves~ Carrie Ryan
All My Sons~ Arthur Miller
The Dark & Hollow Places~ Carrie Ryan
March/April
Because of Winn-Dixie
The Last Little Blue Envelope ~ Maureen Johnson
Eighth Grade Bites ~ Heather Brewer
Hare Moon ~ Carrie Ryan
Harry Potter & the Philosopher's Stone ~ JK Rowling
May/June
Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets ~ JK Rowling
Wings ~ Aprilynne Pike
Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban ~ JK Rowling
Clockwork Angel ~ Cassandra Clare
Boy Meets Boy ~ David Levithan
Unwind ~ Neil Schusterman
Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire ~ JK Rowling
Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix ~JK Rowling
Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince ~ JK Rowling
Forest of Hands & Teeth ~ Carrie Ryan
Evermore~ Alyson Noel
July
Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk ~ David Sedaris
Forever ~ Maggie Stiefvater
Beauty Queens~ Libba Bray

Great & Terrible Beauty ~ Libba Bray
Daughter of Smoke & Bone~ Laini Taylor
The Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy & Goth Girl (audiobook) ~ Barry Lyga
Dumpling Days~ Grace Lin
Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows~ JK Rowling
The Name of the Star~ Maureen Johnson
Wake~ Lisa McMann
Black Heart ~ Holly Black
Every You, Every Me ~ David Levithan
Future of Us ~ Jay Asher & Carolyn Mackler
Chime ~ Franny Billingsley

What's this about education reform? A teacher's perspective

Ah yes, EDUCATION REFORM. Every politician promises to "fix" public education. Public schools and teachers are the current punching bags.

In case you haven't heard, Tennessee raised their standards last year. Without knowing that, one look at the schools' report cards across the state one would think that we have a bunch of failing schools where kids just show up and teachers play tiddlywinks all day. But you have to know more. When I say they raised the standards, it wasn't just a little. TN made huge jumps in the curriculum, and last year, the first year of the implement, we were told we had to teach the old standards and the new standards. For example, I am now teaching slope-intercept form in 7th grade. Do any of you remember when you learned this? Probably high school algebra.

And some of my students can't tell me what the opposite of multiplication is. It's not because our schools or teachers are failing. I think it's because we are cramming more on more on our kids earlier and earlier.

Look, I am all for accountability. I am a great teacher. But tell me if there is something I can do to improve my teaching and I will try it. This new evaluation model that we are having to go through is enough to make me question my career choice at times. We had to fill out a 40 page (yes, FORTY page) Self Evaluation, ranking ourselves on a scale of 1-4. Our principal was told, and relayed the message to us, that "There should not be many 4s." Really? So this person comes in believing TN doesn't have many exemplary teachers. Thanks for the vote of confidence.

And testing. Dear, sweet TCAP test. Now the government has decided that they are going to use the scores from a test that is given once, before the school year is even over, and taken by creatures of free will, and count those toward my evaluation. Please keep in mind that these scores have no bearing on whether the kids will move on to the next grade. This is not the fault of the school. How could they have any bearing when we don't get the scores back until summer? Now this is different in the high school where some of the subjects give an End of Course test and the score counts as part of the final grade. But in the elementary & middle schools the students have this idea that the "TCAP doesn't matter" so they don't have to try. I can be the biggest cheerleader, motivator, etc., but if a kid doesn't want to try, or is mad at someone, or has had a bad morning and just doesn't want to try, they won't. And there isn't anything we can do.

But this counts against my evaluation.

Also, keep in mind that our Value-Added scores change. Let me explain. Let's say in 2007 my value-added score for math was 3.5. (Yeah, I don't really know what that number means either, I just know if it's in the green, it's good. Go with it). So the next year I get my value added scores-which shows three years' worth-and my 2007 scores have changed to 2.8. How is this possible? I didn't have those kids. How was I able to take knowledge away? I've not been able to get a straight answer about this yet and I've been doing this for 15 years.

And tenure- I am tired of tenure being knocked with the old "We don't give doctors and lawyers tenure" Do you know what tenure is? It's DUE PROCESS. It says that the school system cannot dismiss a teacher without cause. My first year of teaching was not in my hometown. I was hired a few days before school started & was an outsider. At the end of a school year all non-tenured teachers are up for re-hire. The school board at this school postponed until the last possible day making their decision. And they decided not to rehire any of their non-tenured teachers. Then picked who they wanted to hire back. They don't have to give a reason, however I asked my principal and a few others. There were several local kids who were fresh out of college and needed jobs.

Can you imagine? Not knowing from one year to the next if you were going to piss off the wrong person and not be rehired. Or if someone in administration has a niece who needs a job. Tenure doesn't protect bad teachers. If a teacher is "bad" and is still in the system, the admin may not be doing enough. If the teacher is not doing his/her job and won't try to improve, then get them out of the school. But don't punish the majority by taking away tenure.

I love my job. I love teaching middle schoolers and being a part of their dramatic lives. I love teaching math and talking to kids about books. But I am tired. I am tired of all the teacher bashing and jumping through hoops to prove that I am a good teacher to people who have never stepped foot in a classroom.

my 2010 year in review blog post

I decided a year or so ago to start doing a year end post to kind of sum up my year. Mostly for me so I can look back and see when significant things happened, but also for any of you who just really wanted to know what I did this year :) 
I didn’t find cures for diseases, or win any awards, or get my name in the tabloids, but I experienced things and learned some things about myself. I can’t complain too much.

2010

I didn’t see any Broadway shows (even on tour) or concerts this year. I think that’s a first in many years. This must be remedied in the new year.

I survived The School Year That Almost Killed Me. Not that I didn’t like the kids I had last year, I loved them to pieces. It was just a whole group of things that came together to make it one tough school year. Thankfully I really, simply adore my current group of 7th graders (I just wish more of them would catch on to two step equations) and I don’t have as many demands on my time or sanity.

I got into sort of a funk around September/October. I think I have it pegged to a couple of significant things. I officially retired as a color guard instructor- something that has defined part of my life for a very long time. It was something that needed to be done, I just hate that it ended the way that it did. Also, my eyes were finally opened to some things. Misunderstanding or not, some things could have been handled better. With all things, it’s really hard when you’ve invested so much time and effort into something. Even when the signs are all there it’s hard to walk away.

I decided that one of the mottoes for my life is- I’m too old for this crap.

(edited to add) How could I forget- I had jury duty for the first (and hopefully last) time this year.


On a more positive note:

I went to Florida THREE times. Two of those times were Orlando-once for a family trip and once for a conference. I love to travel.

I visited Hogwarts! And ate at the Three Broomsticks! And drank Butterbeer! And got a Wand! and a Pygmy Puff! I think the Wizarding World of Harry Potter might have been the highlight of my year.

I met some really awesome authors again this year and got tons of books to add to my To Read pile. Hopefully, I will achieve my goal of reading 100 books in 2011.

I played Charlotte in the play Charlotte’s Web. That was my first big role and I loved.every.minute.

I also played Cook in the high school’s production of Alice in Wonderland. While I love being in plays, I had more fun watching kids I had in class act on stage for the first time.

I sang in front of people for the first time...and I wasn’t bad! I didn’t know anyone there but the voice teacher & Mark, I was nervous as heck and didn’t look up much from the page with the words but I sounded decent.

I am thankful for my husband, Mark, who has helped me keep my sanity, helped me laugh when I felt like crying, helped me make decisions and has been my biggest cheerleader since day one.


Goals for 2011:
Read more
Write a lot more
Laugh more
audition for a musical
sing in front of people I know
see at least one show
meet Laura in person this year (Laura, we WILL make this happen this year! I’m coming to Chicago in November.)


I’ll stop there. There is so much more I want to accomplish in the coming year.

Harry Potter and the disappointed Sandi

My name is Sandi and I am a Potternerd.

When I heard that Universal Studios was transforming part of their park into the Wizarding World of Harry Potter I could hardly contain my glee. The more i heard about it, the pictures that were posted on The Leaky Cauldron website, the more excited I became. I would have the chance to see Hogwarts! I could get a WAND from OLIVANDERS! I could try Butterbeer! OMG!

Then I found out they were planning to open the park in the Spring of 2010.
Since my parents, Mark & I were planning to take my nephew to Disney World I planned to get a couple of tickets to Universal and spend part of the day geeking out.

I took a gamble, partly because my dad & I are pre-planners and want to get things in place and scheduled ahead of time, and partly because I figured they meant Spring as in "the time before Memorial Day" since that day is usually the unofficial start of summer for most tourist hotels. I got a little excited when they started offering their vacation packages for trips taken beginning May 25.

Boy, did I lose out on that gamble. BIG TIME.

I guess technically June 18 IS still Spring, but it is, what, THREE days before summer....and about two weeks after I am there.

Sigh

And the biggest slap in the face? They are letting people who bought their packages in to that part of the park. Which, really, is only the right thing to do. But if they can let them in, why not all of us? I am tempted to stand at the gate and gaze longingly at the people who were lucky enough to be in there.

The bright side is that NCTE (that conference I go to where I meet all the awesome authors) is in Orlando this year, so I'll try again later this year.

2009 in review

In 2009:
I visited New York City, Panama City Beach (and surrounding areas), Philadelphia, St Louis (twice to see shows)

I saw Mary Poppins on Broadway, the tours of: Rent with Anthony Rapp, Wicked, In the Heights, the concerts of:the Indigo Girls, New Kids on the Block, Jennifer Knapp

I met lots and lots of my favorite authors and actors from my favorite musicals

I learned I am not half bad as a theatre actor and was in two plays

I began voice & piano lessons and realized that I can sing and play the piano (tho not at the same time and I'm better at singing)

I accomplished my goal of reading 100 books

I drove through Nashville & Murfreesboro by myself for the first time

I started working with a college color guard

I lost a friendship

I reconnected with someone

I said goodbye to a man who has known me since birth and who was a very good friend of my parents

I got to teach high school algebra

I had surgery for the first time

I lost a dog and gained a cat


My goals for 2010:
Read more books
meet more people
rid myself of the negative
get healthier (once my foot is healed)
sing in front of people
write my book


(it's nearly 3 am and I have probably forgotten something. I may add more later)

Religious discourse

As a rule, I don't engage in religious or political discussion with people. One reason is that is always seems to turn personal. Why can't we have conversations about things and still walk away as friends.

Right, because people don't seem to know what those are.

I broke my rule today and got into a religious discussion on someone's Facebook page. It turned personal for me when I said I didn't think that it was the public school's responsibility to teach Christian heritage, traditions or beliefs, as one poster said they should. He then proceeded to say he was glad that his children weren't in my class. Wow. Since he has never had a conversation with me other than my post me I find it amazing he can pass that kind of judgment. (Edited to add- upon further reflection and conversation, turns out that we DID have a conversation once before.)

But I don't think public schools should. What would they teach? Each denomination thinks what they do is correct. Can you imagine the fights over what goes in the curriculum?
Personally, I don't think there should public led prayer at school. Prayer, unless you are in an intercessory group, should, in my opinion, be a private thing. What if I don't agree with what the person is praying out loud? If I am standing there aren't I essentially saying that I am in agreement?

I hear all the time that God has been kicked out of public schools. No, he hasn't. At my school and probably most schools kids still have every right to pray on their own, wear a cross or Star of David, etc. They can wear shirts with bible scriptures. They just can't distract from instruction (bc ya know, that's what they are going to school for, to learn) And as a public school teacher, I cannot teach MY beliefs. I am quite ok with that. I wouldn't want someone whose beliefs I disagree with teaching my nephew that theirs was the correct way. I think it is the parents' responsibility to guide their children. In my classroom I do my best to be fair, to show my students that I love and care for their well being and that I want them to be the best person they can be. My hope is that they know my heart and what kind of person I am through my actions.

Am I perfect? Of course not. I screw up all the time. Do I have all of the answers? Oh Heck no. I am still trying to figure stuff out. I struggle with & question things all the time. I think that's how we learn though. And conversations, without destroying the person, are key.

Soul searching

It's been a while since I have taken to my blog and posted more than just snippets of what I am reading. I think that once people I knew in real life began reading my blog I started to censor myself and I believe I started losing my voice some. I hope I can begin writing again and gain it back. The things I write might be offensive, whiny, stupid, boring, enlightening, funny, whatever...but they need to be said bc I need to say them. I do appreciate feedback but as this is my spot in the interwebs, respectful dialogue is appreciated.

Today (after looking at the clock I realize it was yesterday) is my 35th birthday. I don't feel 35- however that is supposed to feel. But lately I have felt 15. Let me explain....

When I was about 15 my best friend decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore. Without explanation she just became more distant and cruel. Then it all came to a head when she started using phone conversations against me- baiting me and then telling other people what I said to make fun, etc etc etc. This incident in my life had a profound affect- I stopped trusting other females. Even now I have a hard time opening up to people for fear that I am going to get hurt, bc even at 35 it sucks. I feel that I have a lot of "friends" but a lot of times I feel it's all superficial and shallow. I know part of this is my fault bc I am unwilling to put my self out there completely but I can't seem to find the people willing to engage in deeper relationships.

I heard an analogy once -I think it was Stephen Mansfield who said that we are like a full glass of water. We pour a little of ourselves into the people who come into our lives. But if people don't pour into ours we run dry (I completely mangled the analogy, but I hope you get the meaning.)

My soul is dying. I am desperate for deeper, meaningful relationships. People who will not only will open themselves up to me but want me to open myself up. People who want to know my beliefs and will be OK when they differ from theirs- bc most likely they will.

I want to take nothing away from the people in my life now that consider me their friend. I thank you for your friendship. Little snippets here and there help me navigate through this life. But I am in need of more. I need flesh-and-bone humans willing to share their lives. I sure as hell don't want pity or to be manipulated.

How do other people do it? I really want to know.

(and if you would prefer to, feel free to email me at sandilu at hotmail dot com)